I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
