just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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