she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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