Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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