he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
