my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
