Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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