i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
