I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
