Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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