OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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