I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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