You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
