it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
