I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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