I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I came so hard my ears popped.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
