You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
