I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
