I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Randomize
