Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
