That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
