I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
