Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
