Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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