capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
