i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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