btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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