We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
In other news, I just burned my penis
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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