Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
