If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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