He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Someone came in the potted fern
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
