I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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