I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
