why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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