Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
