I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
