theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
