I'm really into asian looking animals
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
