Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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