I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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