On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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