I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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