Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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