New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
