they need to just BURY HIM!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
