You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize