you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
