This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
