I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
