those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
