you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
