Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
