I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
