Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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