someone threw a dead crab at me
Just cropdusted the office
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
