I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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