First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
