My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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