oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
