I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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