You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize