omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
