Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize