I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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