I should be sponsored by Trojan
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
