You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
