in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
