I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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