Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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