textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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