I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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