your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
